Bit of a quiet day at work, today, so we tried to sort out an age-old problem

I was arguing with my mate that seeing as his car "went like s**t off a shovel" he must be annoyed that it's on the slowish side. I am convinced that s**t can't reach great speed, whatever, and used Andy Hughes as my example.

We then became bogged down in Layman Maths, arguing over the conditions of an experiment to determine said exit-speed, with the purists demanding that the s**t had to be human stools and the spade a WW1 trench digger because that's where the saying comes from, while modernists insisted that in current usage we should be using faeces from domestic animals along with a decent Spear and Jackson because otherwise the saying is archaic and nonsensical.

After much deliberation on the most acceptable method of propulsion and the acceptability of scoring the surface of harder excreta to allow for grip on the surface of the spade, I suggested that we should forget all about it and ask Selwyn instead.

Selwyn: are you a farmer or is that just a Wrath gag I missed, and if you ARE a farmer, how quick d'you reckon s**t is, off a shovel. Fucking slow compared with a Lamborghini Countach, surely?

Yes, I know I need a life.

Posted By: Sugbad The Bad, May 24, 17:55:46