Gooselock Holmes and the Curious case of the Maths Master (Part 2)

At this point Holmes and Brom both raise their hands. Brom jumps up and down. MALKYBARIARTY looks surprised, Brom is not the brightest of boys he wears a blue rosette on election day and talk a lot about the obligations of privilege that go with being born a property owner unlike the POOR boys who have to go up chimneys. Personally I would rather be up a chimney than in Malkybariartys lesson at least you get dirty. But I digress hem hem.

"Yes, Brom" says Malkybariarty.

"His "who" is gone, sir."

"Come again?"

"His "who" is gone, sir. It is an old Bromster family ritual a quaint survival of lost lore that maketh England what it is today, the greatest nation in the world sir."

"That is very interesting master Brom but what do it has to do with the problem?" Malkybariarty hurls a hefty board rubber in a neat loop and grazes Broms cute button nose. Gooselock Holmes answers the q simple pappy (I knew it of course but I was to modest to show how easy I find these thing, ahem).

Malkybariarty next sets a weedy trig problem about a tree and a Mousetrap and its shadow at different times of day saying "Brom if I hear another word from you, you are in detention. OR ANY OF YOU." The beak then takes out of the desk a bottle of BEER confiscated from Arizona Bay major my appalling brother, put his feet with cloven hooves clearly visible on the mantelpiece, sup a draft and recline in sweet repose.

The boys are cowed, no one wanted detention today as there is an association football match. They occupy themselves with the trig or other noiseless pursuits such as mono ear waggling until Malkybariarty is sound asleep. Tiptoing quietly Holmes sneaks up to desk and adds something to the Beer bottle. Malkybariarty opens his eyes for a moment, drinks Beer, ascertains that nobody is doing anything that he could blackmail them for later, and go back to sleep.

He awakes when bell sound for end of lesson. "Well done, boys," he says. "You are all brilliant geniuses in geom arith binomial theorem algy dynamics of an asteroid ect etc. There is no more I can teach you farewell." He leaves beaming broadly like a cat with a newly installed clotted cream bottom.

Holmes explains that he has made a powerful Brew from things in the stinky lab and school kitchen such as copper sulphate, flowers of sulpher, prunes, a flapping mary, poo, gosh, school mepopmebangs and a demi fettered twunt lip. It has permanently altered Malkybariartys character without harming him in any way. "In fact," he says, "he will be much better for it. He has lost all desire to inflict pain on innocent boys with weedy geom constructions and equations and preposterous dilemmas or luncheon menus. That was his FINAL DILEMMA!."

Cheers! Cheers! Cheers! And Hurrah! the enterprise of the Boys triumphs again, Beaks is defeated. Now we will try to make Camcan the Latin mistress forget the poets love Cotta. But that, ahem, is a story for which the world in space is not yet ready.

COMING SOON: the facts about Gooselock Holmes minor and GURLS (if Selwyn major has not drunk all the ink).

Posted By: Gooselock Holmes, Jan 9, 14:12:20