Funky Gibbons speaks

"I have been in Sudan for only four months but I have enjoyed myself immensely," Mrs Gibbons said in a written statement, "apart from the last 3 weeks which have exceeded by worst nightmares, specially spending a week in a Sudanese jail in conditions so squalid that they remind me of Portman Road."

"I have encountered nothing but kindness and generosity from the Sudanese people, apart from the f**kers who snitched on me, the c**ts in the religious Gestapo who interrogated me and charged me, the fascist judge who convicted and sentenced me, and the charming mobs who have bayed for my blood and executed me in effigy.

"I have great respect for the Islamic religion even though it has been shown to have some bonkers bits in it and to be practised by lots of people who are about as tolerant and forgiving as a rattlesnake with a hangover, and I would not knowingly offend anyone and you can bet your arse I'm renaming the godlfish when I get home. I am sorry if I caused any distress and I will spout any old tripe at all in order to get myself onto a BA flight back to London. Will that do, Mr Mad Mullah?"

Posted By: Old Git, Dec 3, 13:33:18