My Dream Team.

1. 'Ninja' Schumacher.
Nobody would give us any s**t with Toni 'Ninja' Schumacher in goal. Any opposition attacks would be despatched with a swift, unpublished kung-kick to the head. The post-sacking book would be interesting, too.

2. Jon Otsemobor.
Don't know why, really.

3. Andreas Brehme.
Solid, reliable, good at set-pieces, and a relative spring chicken. Has won everything and could probably still do a job.

4. Lothar Matthäus.
Has now found out where Norwich is. I forget how.

5. Gary Doherty.
Let's face it, we'll never be rid of him. Ever. Can also play up front, apparently.

6. Franz Beckenbauer.
Bags of experience, and knows how to quell unreasonable crow unrest with a quick flick of the Vs. Catchphrase to unsettle opponents and referees: "You're English!" I love this man.

7. Pierre Littbarski.
I am the f**king man, and don't you forget it. I'm really, really good at football. I won the World Cup, played in a bunch of other tournaments and am s**t-hot at absolutely every aspect of the football-playing process. All other footballers are s**t next to me, even Jimmy Greaves.

8. Ian Crook.
Knows Matthäus well, and can pass a ball, putting him above all other Norwich City midfielders since 1997, when he left. Will have "Ipswich is a s**t hole and I'm glad I never played for them" nailed to his head.

9. Peter Thorne.
Shit. Utter s**t.

10. Jürgen Klinsmann.
A good mate of mine. Essentially the same joke as above, stretched far beyond breaking point, but he'll probably score a few goals, and the women like him.

11. Michelle Littbarski.
Eh, boys? Eh?

Posted By: Pierre Littbarski, Oct 16, 21:32:01