I'd rather glue my ears shut.

Holy Moly:

Don't Sit So Close To Him

Everyone loves Sting. You know, like they love Like cancer, HIV and malaria. Perhaps the only man to have been more interesting as a teacher than a rock star, the most self-satisfied man on the planet often resembles a cat with a cream-flavoured arsehole. Twenty years of solitary confinement on Devil's Island nearly drove Papillon mad, but Sting would have emerged with a broad smug grin and several ideas for concept albums about himself.

This fact was sharply brought into focus for a mole's friend who had the misfortune to share a table with the self-basting bassist ("Mmmm, turn me over, mmm, I'm nearly done...") over Christmas.

The meal was pleasant. Sting was almost bearable, his wife was chatty and the small talk was progressing well. Until Sting reached into his jacket, produced his iPod and proceeded to listen to music whilst the mortals chatted amongst themselves. Naturally, the mole's friend was rather surprised and leaned over to Trudi to check whether someone had inadvertently insulted the great man.

To her credit, Trudi was forthright and brutally honest.

"He always does it. He's a f**king liability." Then leaning further in and covering her mouth with her hand, whispered...

"The worst thing is... he's listening to his own f**king music."

Posted By: Arizona Bay, Sep 13, 11:45:18