TOILET ROLL RATIONING INSTRUCTIONS

Dear former constituents, as the Tories seem to be doing nothing, I am back in action. We face a pandemic worse than the 14th century plague and have to act now.

Please can people refrain for using more than one sheet, two if you have picked a bad batch of winkles. I have heard reports of toilet roll being stolen from the cafes in Wells which is a sad side effect from this austerity government in broken Brexit Britain.

This is an urgent priority, only 2nd in prominence to my campaign for a gay Peppa Pig.

Norman.

Posted By: Norman Panic MP, Mar 9, 19:11:21