PM: Tombs

Desperately sad to read your post of last night mate. Don't beat yourself up. As Bungles, Dubs and others have said, pretty much certainly there was nothing to be done. If someone is determined to hurt themselves, or worse, they will.

Someone else can do more or less anything to try to show you they care but when you're right down there, your illness tells you you're not worth anyone's candle, and you listen.

It's not Harry Potter - there are no magic words - though often a word from a stranger will deflect someone long enough. Words from those we know are different because we know them and we irrationalise them away - they're only saying that because, and so on, or maybe it would hurt them if I did something but I can't bear this pain any longer and after they've been sad for a short time they'll be better in the long run. I've been down there myself and I've known people who've ended it too.

Don't torture yourself with if-onlys, don't consider it a judgement on you as a mate and grieve for your friend. He was lucky to have you in his life, which he lost to an illness you didn't cause and couldn't have controlled or cured if you'd been there 24/7.

Be thankful you knew him, sad that he's gone, and as kind to yourself as you'd be to me or someone else if the tables were turned.

And you were right - it was a glorious, crisp, sunny day a few days ago. There'll be more glorious days to come too.

Posted By: Old Man, Feb 16, 09:27:10