Wrath General Election - my policies. Vote for me!

- Free gin for everyone earning under £80k

- Much better platitudes for mental health: warm words are what's needed and mine will be warmer than everyone else's

- Ixit: the enforced secession of Suffolk, except the pretty bits like Southwold

- Daily Mail to be printed on more absorbent paper and pre-scored into handy squares

- Railways to run at all, which would be a marked improvement in certain areas

- The value of 75 to be increased to 83 and the value of 97 to reduced to 16; all other numbers to retain their current values

- All circles to be squared

- The word "dog" to be retired and substituted with "Fenton"

- Free shells for slugs, increasing the nation's snail population at a stroke and enabling us to export surplus to France

- All SATs multiple choice questions to include a Mary option

- The DTI/DBERR/BERR/BIS/BEIS to be renamed DOW (Department Of Whatever) to reduce persistent expenditure on name changes

- People who take shampoo AND conditioner into the shower to be shot in the face

Vote Old Man. You know it makes strong, stable sense.

Posted By: Old Man, May 9, 08:48:11