Really, really sorry to hear this old mate.

The answer is, it's entirely up to you. I've some experience in doing just this: my approach was decide on the themes I wanted to cover - my Dad's character, his relationships with my Mum and with me and my kids, and I finished on a point about mortal remains. The way I give speeches is to decide what I'm going to cover and do bullet points of just those and riff around them on the occasion so I might give "the same" speech many times, it will be different each time but have the same broad meaning. I've done a lot of speaking in my time and that's really comfortable for me but might not suit you at all. I liked that it was fresh for my family as well as everyone else in the room.

I personally wouldn't worry about offending people. I'm sure they will take what you say in the way you mean it. Talk about you and your Dad and how he made you and others feel - or anything else you want to talk about. It's your call.

The point about mortal remains I made went something like this:

There is a lie they tell you at funerals. The lie is that what's in that box is the mortal remains of my Dad. It isn't. In his career he taught over five thousand people. That's five thousand lives he's influenced. Five thousand people who've taken a different route through life than they otherwise might have because of Dad. Five thousand people who were unsure but gained confidence; undisciplined but gained rigour; hurting but gained comfort. The impact he had on those people is still out there and will echo for many decades yet to come. Those are Dad's mortal remains, and you can't bury or burn them. No-one in this room was unaffected by Dad, because otherwise you wouldn't be here. To a greater or lesser extent he lives on in us and will continue to do so as long as any of us draws breath. So, on behalf of all of us: thanks, Dad.

My note read: mortal remains - lie - 5,000 pupils. Ask me tomorrow and I'll probably render it differently; but the point will be the same.

I did this yesterday, by the way. I'm really, really sorry to learn that you're going through the same thing. Big hugs xx

Posted By: Old Man, Apr 6, 20:48:04