The Transfer Policy 2005-6: How It All Began.

Norwich, 7 April 2005. Nigel Worthington sits in his office, writing a list of names, talking to himself.

NW: We need workers, notmean. (He writes) Andy Hughes ... Jason Jarrett ...

There is a knock on the door.

NW: Hello?

Thomas Helveg walks in.

NW: Who are you?
TH: I'm Thomas Helveg. You signed me from Inter Milan last summer, remember?
NW: Why are you talking in that funny voice, notmean?
TH: It's my accent, I'm Scandinavian.
NW: Oh ... I see.
TH: I want to know why I'm not in the team. We've lost six games in a row, we're leaking goals, the defence is a real mess and I'm back to full fitness.
NW: There might be a gap at right-wing if Graham Stuart gets injured, notmean.
TH: No - I want to play at right-back.
NW: Is that your position?
TH: Yes!
NW: Hmm. OK - this is the sit-u-a-shun. We've got Man Utd at home. You and the Egyptian guy can have a game. You can't say I haven't given you a fair chance, notmean.
TH: I should have been given more of a chance. I've won the Champions League, played in Serie A and-
NW: Stop talking in that stupid voice!
TH: I'm the captain of Denmark - put me in the team!
NW: You've got a bad attitude, Timmy.
TH: Thomas.
NW: Whatever. You're in on Saturday. Now get out of my office, and don't go trying to pass the ball out of defence again.
TH: (Leaves) Gormless t**t.
NW: I heard that, you Swedish tosser!

(Gets on the phone)

NW: Hello, is that Roger? Yes, I don't want any more of these "foreigners", notmean? (Listens) Oh OK, maybe some cheap full-back from Holland, but no more internashunals, notmean? (Puts the phone down) Now, where was I? Oh yes, here we are ... Mick McCarthy's phone number ...

Posted By: Ottosson Foxtrot, Jan 25, 15:01:10