Take a wood cock...

...toss off some pancetta, crumble it into seven lugs of your third best not-quite-virgin-but-relatively-inexperienced olive oil, smear all over your wood cock, ram your wood cock into a slightly bigger bird, stuff that up a duck's jacksie, ram it into a goose, force it up a swan, roast at 200 for 20 minutes to the euro or 17 minutes to the dollar or 19 minutes to the hour.

Then change into some adult nappies and indulge in some serious perversions with a pomegranite before eating a raw turnip.

Posted By: Jamie Oliver, Jan 23, 09:59:31