"Davro always operated in the grey areas of the law but

managed to evade justice without ever doing any serious time. This was mainly down to Linda Robson, his expert legal counsel and fixer. Even when Darren Day got 6 years for a charity scam they were co-conspirators in, Bob managed to walk away with a slap on the wrist. When it came to trial, Davvers and Linda had plenty of tricks up their sleeves. Bob boasted that he’d made micro kiss gestures from the dock, which got the jury so thrilled they told the judge at first recess they could no longer be impartial, resulting in a mistrial. Facing a quickly-summoned new jury, the judge made Bob wear a Hannibal Lecter mask to nullify his air smooches, but Linda was always one step ahead and dressed Davvers in a modest grey pencil skirt, but instructed him to go “full Basic Instinct” at every opportunity, which wreaked havoc. Robbo’s real masterstroke was ensuring all her star client’s trials took place at Maidstone Crown Court. Due to Davvers presence and romantic prowess in the Medway region, she calculated “through pure statistics” that he’d been with a minimum of two jurors at any given court summons.However, Darren Day, bitter and banged up, maintained Davs only dodged a custodial because he’d been blabbing to the plod for years. From jail, Daz ensured the nickname “Pampas” caught on for Davs. Telling anyone who’d listen: “He’s a giant blonde grass… and often seen outside the homes of swingers.” As Davvers new moniker spread through the underworld, Linda knew someone had to deal with that gossip Daz, so she relied on her old mantra: “You need dirty work, call Dirty Quirke,”. Pauline Quirke already had a part-time job as a screw and had a hustle smuggling in spice. Laced with Oust and WD40, it rendered smokers only able to speak in quotes from her short-lived detective show, Maisie Raine. Perfectly placed to exact Robbo’s plan, Quirkey got the nod to deliver her signature ‘Belmarsh Botox’ - a boiling hot cup of gravy to the face. Once the job on Daz was done, leaving a semi-permanent but oddly delicious scar across his boat, Quirkey called Robbo, and in a husky drawl said, “Ahhh Bisto” Before hanging up."

Posted By: Lentil Weaver on October 16th 2024 at 22:14:01

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