FWIW, the Foxtrot Report (Warning: DON'T read if you played for NCFC last night).

ROBERT GREEN: 5.
Made one or two decent saves, and closed the Reading forwards down well on a couple of occasions. Couldn't be blamed for any of the goals (at least, he wasn't primarily at fault) but he might have dived for some of them.

JURGEN COLIN: 4.
Crap, but he got forward more, meaning he was crap in more than one area of the pitch.

ADAM DRURY: 5.
Not particularly good. But got no protection from our "mid-field". Which apparently we had.

GARY DOHERTY: 4.
There's been much talk of what a solid, commendable centre-back the Doc has become this season. Sadly, having not managed a match between Brighton (where he wasn't particularly good) and last night, I haven't seen it.

What we got last night was the Doc of old - manhandling centre-forwards who completely destroyed him (he should have been sent off at twice), being caught out of position, slow and muddled, the Doc had a nightmare.

Still our best defender on the night, though.

CRAIG FLEMING: 4.
Fleming reminds me of a much-loved family pet with a terminal illness that its owner refuses to have put out of its misery. The only thing I can say about him last night is at least he's captain again, which gives me hope that the Clappy Clown is not undroppable.

SIMON 'NORFOLK MAKELELE' CHARLTON: 2.
Simon Charlton is the Norfolk Makelele in much the same way as I'm the Surrey Arnold Schwarzenegger. Makelele is fast, intelligent, committed, has great positional sense, bags of energy and won the Champions League with Real Madrid.

Simon Charlton is fat, bald, slow and fat. He once played for Huddersfield Town. Who on earth told Worthington that this man could be a central midfielder? The same man who called up saying he had Matty Johnson, a hard-working right-midfield grafter from Burnley, perhaps. Has Aly Dia's agent been seen in Norfolk?

DICKSON ETUHU: 6. Not bad at all - broke into the box a fair bit, looked pacey and alert, and even took the ball of an opposition player once or twice (I forget what that's called). If this is part of an upward curve, he should definitely be in the team alongside Safri, as part of a 4-4-2. (More on this in a bit).

ANDY HUGHES: 3.
The last great Tactical Revolution in the global game was Total Football, invented by Rinus Michels in Holland in the early 1970s. Demanding players of enormous intelligence and technical skill, with the ball (nearly) always played to feet, it required constant movement from each player as one player would vacate a position to be replaced by another. Attackers had to be able to defend, and defenders to attack; above all, midfielders had to be complete players, able to perform in every position.

Tactically, nothing happened for thirty years or so, until Andy Hughes invented (perhaps unwittingly) Total Horses**t, a tactic he perfected against his former club, who pointed and laughed quite a bit.

Completely inept - yes! - in every position, Hughes proved himself incapable of tackling, passing, playing within even the most basic of systems, shooting, crossing (save for one half-decent ball for Hendo - more later), marking or even running. A performance of such staggering incompetence that the only time I can say I've seen it matched was at Fulham, but at least Francis and Bentley had the excuse that they weren't trying. Total Horses**t.

I'd have got angrier about his typically patronising post-match clapping but I was watching his hands to see if they'd miss each other.

DARREN HUCKERBY: 4. Got into the game slightly more in the second half, but completely ineffectual. Reading had him licked.

PAUL MCVEIGH: 7. Otto's Star Man. Looked lively, interested and dangerous, so Nige subbed him. Nice one.

PETER THORNE: 3. His own meaningful contribution was to fall over in front of a decent-looking McVeigh long shot, meaning that not only were his own attempts at goal entirely pathetic, but he stopped players who are less slow, old, unfit and just f**king crap from doing any better. There must be a way we can terminate this man's contract, surely? And that of the idiot who thought he'd be better than Svensson?

SUBS:

JONATAN JOHANSSON: 6. Looked promising, should've scored.

IAN HENDERSON: 4. Let's get this straight - I HATE Hendo-bashers. Especially those who boo him. But last night didn't help his cause. Missed an absurdly easy chance from Hughes' cross (which might also have made Hughes look slightly less s**t), virtually fell over having a shot at the end. Poor lad.

JASON JARRETT: 5. Gone from 'laughable' to 'poor' since returning from Home Park. One day he may make 'mediocre'. But I'm not holding my breath.

NIGEL WORTHINGTON: -4,000,003.
The system was a joke (4-3-3 against a team was pacey wingers! ) Charlton-Etuhu-Hughes. Thorne. Taking McVeigh off. The players didn't look like they knew what they were supposed to be doing at all. Just appalling. I'd have given him -4,000,004, but he's just signed Robert Earnshaw, who's a player I like.

The Norwich fans were practically silent throughout (not that I blame them), the bar ran out of hot-dogs on the coldest night I've ever spent in a football ground, and the Reading PA constantly going 'Bring it on!' was just embarrassing.

On the plus side, the Reading fans were great - all the ones I met were very friendly, apologised profusely for Hughes, were happy to talk about NCFC (and what's gone wrong) and had a good sense of humour. They had some good chants, too - 'Ooh, John Oster' and 'If Murty scores, we're on the pitch'.

See you all soon for the annual nightmare that is Selhurst Park. If I can face it.

City Till I Die
Worthy Til I Cry

Posted By: Ottosson Foxtrot on February 1st 2006 at 11:16:42

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